Fall Quarter 2011

After spring quarter I took a light load in the summer with a math class, abnormal psychology (which I loved) and practicum.

The practicum was a two week camp for kids with disabilities.  I moved up a level in practicum and now have a new instructor.  She specializes in children with autism and although she is pretty tough and strict about paperwork I appreciate her insights and her work.  This practicum challenged me to do a lot of my own song-writing.  I have always stayed away from writing my own music for fear that I will create something others (and mostly myself) won't find "good".  I had to let that go though, since several of the assignments were to write various children's songs all with different aims. The practicum itself was wonderful and challenging.  It feels like it was so long ago and difficult for me to even remember the ups and downs, but overall a great experience.  It was so valuable to be put in a situation so similar and so different than what I'm used to.  I feel very comfortable with kids but having a whole room of children with disabilities was entirely different and new.

So that was basically summer quarter and now I'm half way through my fall term.  I was wrong in thinking that last spring quarter would be the most challenging.  So far this quarter is killing me.  It's a mix of the level of paperwork I now have to do for practicum, (writing my own assessment template, filling out that assessment, making session plans, reflecting on session plans, facility assessments...it's a lot) and the amount of reading and assignments I have in my other classes.  I have managed to completely just space out a couple times already and showed up to class completely without the assignment due.  Such a terrible feeling.  Another thing that makes this quarter hard is that I had such a great summer and was able to see Jeris a lot.  It feels amazing to have a year down, but starting year two has been....just hard.

It's getting better though.  I am feeling more comfortable with the clients I have now in my new practicum.  This quarter I am at a day center for adults with varying developmental and intellectual disabilities.  Pretty similar to my last practicum (which I LOVED.)  This practicum involves three back to back half-hour sessions with each group consisting of about 10-13 people.  After 3 weeks of assisting and leading an occasional song my supervisor decided that I will completely take on the second group, and lead the entire session from the 4th week on.  I was excited for this but my first session leading everything was a little messy.

First of all, my first time leading an entire session was also my assessment day, the day I use to assess all 13 clients in several domains: cognitive, physical, emotional, social, communication, musical, etc.  On top of that I had a highschooler observing me.  So I start out assisting with the first group (which is facilitated by an intern who is blind.)  He asks me for help with certain things and on this particular day he asked me to turn off the cd player after doing some halloween themed intervention that involved listening to "This is Halloween" from Nightmare Before Christmas.  One of the clients LOVED this song and was dancing around.  When I turned it off he got really upset with me.  I tried to not take it personally but he would just glare at me during my group and at one point interrupted the session after I asked a general question to the group.  He stands up and says "I'll tell YOU something....are you ready for this?" and he glares at me and starts kicking a chair.  There were a couple other hiccups during my session but the topper was when I got into my car, feeling relieved to be done and saw that my fly was undone.  Amazing.

My sessions have been getting better since then.  I'm feeling more comfortable and am getting to know the clients more and more as individuals.  One client last week asked me if I loved him.  I sort of panicked and said yes in an awkward, under my breath sort of way and quickly moved on to the next thing.  I don't know what I should've said but I guess there was a little truth in that.  I love going to the the adult care center and having the chance to lead and learn and make mistakes and to understand what it's like to be an adult with a debilitating disability.  Well, I don't really understand that but I have a much better idea.

This particular group is fairly high functioning so  it's been difficult to figure out what my goals are.  (No one tells me what they are, I just have to figure it out....)
So far my goals are to increase group cohesion and community as well as increasing self-esteem.  Music is a good way to work toward these goals.  Last week I used tone bars and had the clients take turns being "in charge" and conducting the rest of the group.  I was amazed how some of the clients were able to communicate with their peers through this activity when usually it's very difficult to get them to interact with each other verbally, or with eye-contact even.  Some of the clients were even helping each other.  There's so much to say about how beneficial music is for them.  Too much to say right now, but stay tuned.

Summer!

Finally...spring quarter is over and done with.  I can breathe!

I finished all my tests and passed a fair amount of sections but still have some to retake.  I'm glad I attempted all of them so I now know what to expect for next time.

After the quarter ended I spent my week off in Seattle.  I visited my Grandma, who had a recent heart attack, and was pleased to find her pretty much the same.  I am a little worried about her though, the doctors don't know what caused the heart attack and she's always been very healthy....it's a mystery.

While in Seattle I was surprised with a car that was given to me by Jeris and his family.  I was completely blown away!  A car is going to make such a difference for me here in Portland.  I work 20 minutes North and go to school 20  minutes South, (which ends up being at least an hour commute each way by bus.)  Plus I never get to choose the practicum sites I really want, I just end up with what's most convenient for me.  Now that I have a car I can be more choosy.

It will be interesting to see what the rest of my time here will be like from this point on.  I really believe that this last quarter was probably the hardest of my entire school career.  (At least I hope.)  I have no more 8 am classes and I don't have to ask for rides from my friends anymore.  I might even explore other jobs sometime soon.  My shoulder has been hurting a lot lately, probably due to scooping ice cream.  In addition to these changes my good friend Rachel who I worked and went to school with is leaving the program and moving to Eugene.  We quickly became good friends and helped each other through this first year.  I'm really thankful for her and although I'm sad to see her go I wish her the best.

I'm feeling pretty good about life lately.  I'm basically exactly where I want to be.  I'm working toward a career I love and am lucky enough to have the love of my life supporting me in every way.

I don't know if anyone reads this or not, (I know I'm pretty bad at updating it regularly) but I really appreciate the support I get from everyone.  Thank you!

Reaching the end of another quarter...

This quarter has been intense.  Most of my classes all year long have been leading up to the end of spring quarter and the music proficiencies I have to take.  I haven't updated this for a long time mainly because I've been pretty over-worked this quarter, but it's almost over.  I'm trying to be realistic about these tests and I know that I'm not proficient yet in many areas.  Mainly the music history, some parts of keyboard, and ear training...but whatever I pass will be a plus and I'll work on whatever needs work after that.

I finished another quarter of practicum last week.  I was at the an adult care home  for people needing round the clock care.  The group in the MT sessions is a small one, (the staff isn't very good at getting clients to come...) but it's a good group nonetheless.  These sessions are recreational and quality of life focused.  We have 4 clients who come regularly, 3 elderly and one young adult with developmental disabilities.  At first I thought I would really struggle with this population compared to the group I had and grown to love last quarter.  The energy level is significantly lower and the group is generally soft-spoken as a whole.

A few of my favorite moments were:

*Helping the clients improvise on the xylophone, (while I played guitar or ukelele)

*Songwriting. (We talked about what we like to do with the ones we love)

*Playing the tone bars with the group (if you don't know what these are you should look them up!)

There's lots more to say and hopefully I'll do a better job of keeping up with this blog.

Wish me luck on my proficiencies...

Another video!

See You Later Alligator

Our last day at Port City

See Ya Later Alligator

here's a video of  our hello song during a session: http://ecpcdc.blogspot.com/2011/03/see-you-later-and-thank-you.html

(posted publicly on the sites webpage, permission given)

practicum

It was bitter sweet to have our second to last session today.  They have been going so well and we have been very well received by the clients and the staff!  I feel like I am getting to know the clients pretty well by now.  Last week during the hello song I noticed a certain client who always has her hands closed really tight.  When I tried to assist her playing the guitar her knuckles were the only part facing the strings.  I thought I would try something new next time.  So….today I brought in the large guitar pick for her to hold and play the strings.  It was still a little tricky with her wheel chair table  in the way but it was definitely better than last week.  I was very happy about that and I think she appreciated it as well.  Today we got a little bit of practice with behavior management.  None of the clients ever really “misbehave” but sometimes they say things you might not expect.  When Ayal was singing “shake shake shake….shake shake shake…shake your shakers” one of the clients was singing “shake your booty” and then asked Ayal why we don’t sing it the correct way.  I thought he dealt with it really well and he agreed that we could sing it with the actual lyrics and then sing it “our” way after.

 Another interesting thing I noticed during today’s session was that during the same song that was sung two weeks ago, the same client got very emotional again.  There was no mistake that she was very outwardly sad and upset.  I thought my supervisor handled it very well by asking if she liked the song to make sure it wasn’t upsetting her too much.  She nodded her head and we continued to sing.  It is hard to see her look like she’s in so much emotional pain though. 

                Toward the end of the session I had the privilege of closing it with my “See You Later Alligator” song, then I spoke a little about how next week would be our last week there and I had to answer to one of the clients who asked why.  I explained that as students we need to get practice doing music with lots of people and that other students want to come meet them as well.  He seemed to accept that.  I then sort of winged the goodbye song.  (I forgot that I was supposed to do it…) But…I was lucky and figured out the chords in my head ahead of time and it went fine.  Overall it was a great session.

Only two more weeks left....

Today I had my 6th session this term for practicum.  I like this site a lot and while I really want to gain  experience in different settings, part of me wishes I could just stay.

The overall feeling of the group today was less intense compared to last week. They weren't overly enthusiastic but seemed genuinely happy to be there.  One of the staff members pulled me to the side and asked for the words to the song I've been singing with them.  Apparently they really like it and have been trying to sing it throughout the week.  I was happy to hear that the one thing I have been leading is a hit!  I would really love to do more but it seems like all of my good ideas involve kids not adults with developmental disabilities.  I feel like I serve the "kids" population well, but sometimes I feel a little confined.  One of my instructors keeps insisting that if I just try to adapt what I do to fit a new population I would be surprised.  (Easy for her to say!)                    

Tomorrow is an early day.  Mon/Wed/Fri's I start class with sight-singing and ear-training at 8 am.  (A class that I don't need credit for, I just need to be better at music.....)  I think I'll be at school all day and into the evening.  Our choir is giving a concert and I'm a little nervous because I have a super high solo and today I'm starting to feel like maybe I'm getting a cold.  Meh-it's a choir concert, but oh god, I hope I don't completely embarrass myself. 

It's Wednesday

It's Wednesday.  I skipped class this morning because later today I have to get a root canal and I thought that I deserved a free morning.  I slept in, cleaned both bathrooms, showered, and cleaned my room while listening to music.  It was a great morning.  Now I'm gearing up to go to the dentist.....ugh.

Yesterday I had my fourth session at Port City.  (Fourth or fifth...I'm losing track.)  This session felt slightly different from the rest.  I'm starting to get a sense of what' "normal" behavior for most of the clients is and yesterday I witnessed some of them exhibit unusual behavior.  I wasn't quite sure how to respond or what it meant but we carried on with the session and everything went fine.  One thing that really had an effect on me was the client I sat next to.  I get the sense that she can understand others just fine but she is severely physically disabled as well as with her speech.  She definitely tries to communicate but it's really really hard to understand.  She participated quite a bit yesterday, trying to play the drum, the glockenspiel and other instruments.  But she kept looking over at me with this terribly sad look in her eyes.  The peak of this was during the last song which my supervisor sang.  The chords were very sweet and sad and the lyrics were something along the lines of "how can anyone tell you you are less than beautiful........less than whole..." etc.  At one point during this song she was practically sobbing, (the client), and I had no idea what to do.  It was really sad but maybe it was what she needed?   I don't know...I'm not a music therapist yet.

We only have a few sessions left and then I'll be placed at a new site next quarter.  I think it'll be hard to say goodbye and I'll probably feel guilty leaving.  But I'm also really excited to get more experience at a new place.


It's all very exciting.

The music therapy sessions seem to be getting better and better.  We started with singing hello and the client I mentioned before (who requested the national anthem) was REALLY into welcoming everyone into our music session and was very enthusiastic.  He even requested Joy to the World but after about 30 minutes into the session he started to get a little grumpy and then left.  (I think he was hungry.)
One of my favorite moments from yesterday was when my supervisor did this activity where she put on a song and brought out a beach ball and took turns with everyone throwing the ball back and forth.  This might seem like a overly simplistic or juvenile activity but you have to keep in mind that most of the clients have severe disabilities.  It was a really good way to see where some people are cognitively and physically.  Some people that I thought were just "lost" all the time and wouldn't be able to catch the ball or even try actually raised both arms and tried to catch it.  My supervisor did a good job of making sure that they were all successful in some way or another.
Anyways...my favorite moment was when this certain client got his turn.  He is one of the clients I considered to be "lost" most of the time.  He always has at least 3 plastic or paper cups in his hands that he likes to flick or tap together.  I'm not quite sure yet what purpose they serve, if any, but basically he's the cup guy.  So it was his turn to catch the ball and throw it back to my supervisor.  When she got ready to throw it he looked up at her and raised his arms and actually caught it!  The best part about the whole thing was the enormous smile on his face that I had never seen before.  It was amazing.
Pretty close to the end of the session was when I did my "theremin" activity.  It was a little difficult and time-consuming because it has to be plugged into the wall so I had to have each person come to me to play it.  (Several of them are immobile and are in wheel chairs or need other assistance.)  So you can imagine how long this would take with 15 people.  They were actually pretty patient and engaged the whole time.  One client thought it was hilarious and just laughed the whole time.  It was interested to interact with them as a "leader" rather than someone sitting in the background and assisting.  I was trying my best to be sensitive to how I spoke to them, making sure I didn't use my "teacher" voice too much, but also trying to speak so they could understand me.  After the theremin I lead a song called "See Ya Later Alligator" (an adaptation of an old 50's rock song I used to do with the kids but could be for any population.)  I think they were pretty into it and my supervisor asked me to do it again next week.

My main focuses for the rest of the week:

-Getting ready for music at the toy store tomorrow and at the ice cream shop on saturday
-Trying to stay healthy when everyone around me is sick

It's freezing...but sunny and beautiful

Today was a really good day.  Unfortunately I had to miss classes to go see the endodontist but I have a huge sense of relief that I've been not so patiently waiting for.  I'm slowly figuring out all my finances and how I'm going to pay for a re-do of an old root canal.

 On top of my financial relief it was soooo beautiful out today.  (REALLY cold, but beautiful.)  I usually keep my blinds down when I'm sleeping but Nettle was being such a pain last night.  She heard a cat fight and wouldn't stop pawing at the blinds so I had to raise them so she could investigate.  I'm really glad I did because when I woke up there was the most amazing sunrise right outside my window.  (Although I have the smallest room in the house, I do feel lucky because I have two windows that let in a lot of natural light.)

I'm feeling like I can start to focus a little more on school: the reason I'm here.

Practicum week 3

Today I made sure to get up early, shower, drink coffee, I even talked to Jeris before my day "officially" started, which was really nice.  Then I went and did practicum, (which for me is mostly low-key assisting and observing.)  I sat on the other side of the room this time and got to know a couple different people.  I think my favorite part of the whole session happened early on when we started with the "hello" song and not even halfway through one of the clients felt the need to request a song for us all to sing.. only he couldn't think of what it was.  We stopped everything to hear him out with everyone silent while he tried his very hardest to remember, saying "it's...ummm" about 20 times.  We all agreed that he could think on it while we finished the song.  He did think on it and soon after requested that we all sing the national anthem.  So we did.  We sang the national anthem all together and it was the best version I've heard yet.
I really appreciated that within the session, although there's a plan, we can veer from it depending on what's going on that day. 

Next week I'm going to ease my way into leading.  I'm going to bring in the theremin and hope that it doesn't scare them!  I'm also gonna lead a song.  Hopefully it will all go well.  I'll just try to imagine them as kids and I'm sure it'll be fine.

I am having a hard time focusing on school work today.  I'm really tired and just trying to stay awake so I can get stuff done.  I have to write a paper on a disability within the population I'm assisting with this quarter but can't decide what my exact topic should be since I don't have access to any medical records or charts.  I can just guess maybe, or write it about developmental disabilities as a whole?  It's surprisingly hard to find good articles on this.  One more day until it's due...yikes.

I am trying to keep this blog mainly about my experiences in school and in practicum but there are just so many elements in my life right now that directly influence how I experience everything.  Today I had another dentist visit.  I liked this dentist a lot more than the last one.  I was 20 minutes late though because my bus route was wrong and I had to call a cab.  The dentist recommended me to a specialist who could advise me further.  Basically my options are I can get my root canal redone or I can extract the tooth and get a bridge.  Whatever I do I know it's going to be very expensive and I get super stressed just thinking about having to borrow money from my mom or from Jeris. I definitely have a set of challenges in front of me every day.  Right now I am focusing on: pushing through my homesickness, practicing music every day In a way I feel like I am failing already in Portland because I can't do it on my own.

On the upside I really love Tuesday's and Thursday's because I have Guitar and Music Therapy in Recreation/Special Needs.  Tonight we mainly played xylophones, glockenspiels, tone chimes, and played musical games.  Next week I have to teach my own musical game that could be used in a music therapy intervention.  I SO got this.

Side note: tonight I used my food stamp card for the first time.... it was amazing.

Second Quarter, feeling even more overwhelmed

Today I had my second practicum session at Port City Development Center.  The session went just as well as the first but I think my energy level was significantly lower.  I'm not sure if this was noticeable to anyone....I hope not.  I sat next to the same two clients today, not really on purpose, it just happened that way.  The client to my left (I'll call him "David") really likes rock music and always has his tape player and head phones with him and will randomly blast his music during the session.  A little distracting but whatever....  The client to my left, (easily my favorite so far, I'll call him "Sammy") is really into randomly naming holidays.  I definitely couldn't understand him at first but after hearing a staff member repeat what he said a couple times I started to catch on.  He turned to me several times saying "happy mother's day" or "halloween" and then "happy birthday" and "icecream cake."  I'm slowly figuring out how to respond to things like this.  So far I find myself just repeating back to him whatever he says or I'll say something like "I love icecream cake."  Sometimes I think I sound really stupid.... 

Adults with developmental disabilities is for sure a new population for me.  I'm comfortable with kids and pretty comfortable with the elderly but anyone in between sort of makes me nervous.